How to Be a Leader
I’ve always craved a professional mentor, but never managed to find quite the right fit. For a long time I assumed the right person just never crossed my path, but it dawned on me earlier this morning that this is my fault.
As a kid, I would never admit I didn’t know a concept or idea, I’d just fake knowledge and figure out what something was through the context of the conversation. This lead to some awkward misunderstandings (mostly in the back of the school bus), but I quickly mastered the art of changing the subject until I had time to research whatever word or concept I didn’t know.
In college, I struggled to have meaningful relationships with my professors. I was intimidated by their status and credentials. I was an active participant in class, because I had some knowledge of what we were studying, but I wouldn’t dare stop by during office hours to chat about an off topic subject. My insecurities and attempts to keep up the facade of looking smart, kept me from actually acquiring knowledge and understanding beyond my required courses. My insecurities, ego and pride held me back.
As a professional, I attempted to carve a career path and frequently hoped someone would be able to guide or help me. I spent years longing for a boss or a leader who would take me under his/her wing and help me grow into who I assumed I was capable of being. In reality, I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable enough to enter a relationship admitting I needed help. Instead, I spent decades fostering a persona of competence and having all the answers, which doesn’t encourage anybody to offer suggestions or guidance.
I’ve spent the last few years being frustrated with most of my direct supervisors. I longed for guidance, but years of doing things my own way meant I didn’t know how to ask for it. I also didn’t want anybody checking up on my work or asking too many questions because I was never confident that I was doing a good enough job. Other times, I disagreed with decisions made, not considering that maybe I didn’t have all of the information. No wonder I was struggling—I was behaving like a child.
Now that I’ve taken time to reflect, I realize that the person who most needed to step up and be a leader is me. Leaders understand their limitations and surround themselves with people who can fill in their knowledge and skills gaps. Leaders understand that they can’t possibly know everything, so they lean on others for expertise, support and guidance. Most importantly, leaders are not defined by a title or a level in a hierarchy—they’re defined by attitudes and actions.
All throughout my career there have been people attempting to help and guide me, I just didn’t take the bait. Instead, I thought I knew better, or was too concerned with looking like I knew better, so I missed the chance to ACTUALLY know better. Sure, I’ve taken advice here and there, but I missed the chance for meaningful mentorship. While I’ve had a fair amount of success, I’m convinced I’ve not reached my potential because I’ve been figuring things out for myself instead of having the advantage of the voice of experience on my side.
I missed the boat in the early part of my career by not being strong and confident enough to behave as an aspiring leader. I will not make that mistake again. As of late, I’ve openly embraced the advice and storytelling expertise of my writing mentor, David Wecker. I’m reaching out to connections on LinkedIn and Twitter to assist with my research on the future of work for hourly employees. I’m planning to take part in a workshop in the fall to learn how to grow my business. I’ve finally realized that real strength comes from vulnerability and asking for help. Imagine the leader I’d be if I had realized this 20 years ago.
We’re all a work I’m progress. Tell me about your career mistakes. What have you learned? How did correcting your mistakes help your career?
